I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
