I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
