It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
