the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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