I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize