my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
