Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
