She is in my trunk
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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