You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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