I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
