he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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