One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
