We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
