I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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