what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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