He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
