i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
