In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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