I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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