and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize