I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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