He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
