Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
