Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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