If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
