I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
