just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
