People in love make me want to vomit
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
