He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
