Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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