dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
