Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
