Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
