he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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