I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I need moral support for this bender
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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