At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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