his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize