some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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