i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
