he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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