Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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