I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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