Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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