When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it glows. i had to have it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
