i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the raccoons are back...
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