I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
