This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize