i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
