oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
