one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
