You work out of a Hotel?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
