He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize