Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
