I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
