Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
