I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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