I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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