It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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