I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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