We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
