3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
