and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
