It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
