I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
