Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
high people should be assigned attendants
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
