We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize